Friday, July 29, 2011

Wedding Doubt

My good friend called me in drunken distress last night, filled with doubt about her impending nuptials.  

"Write about this," she said through muffled sobs.  Out of love for her I won't write what she said but I will say that the worry she expressed seemed to be emblematic of so many of the conversations I have been having with my girl friends as of late.  Frustrations of not being able to understand their partners, confusions over why seemingly great guys were suddenly and mysteriously becoming emotionally unavailable, doubts on whether or not to commit to relationships with major communication barriers.

I have no answers.  I don't get it.  And in all fairness, I at this moment am probably not the right person for these friends to be confiding in.  My view of the world and relationships is a little skewed at the moment.

My mom called me and in typical mom fashion approached my current conundrum with dismissive rationality.  "Listen,"  she said in a tone that I know indicates that she has reached her fill of a given topic and desires to bolt the lid on once and for all, "my friend posted this quote on her Facebook page and I really think you need to take it to heart.  It is from Mark Twain [a Missourian favorite] and it says, 'You should never make someone a priority who allows you to be an option.' I think you need to remember that next time around."  

I wanted to refute the statement by saying that I wasn't sure that was the case for these most recent trials but after a few more seconds of examination I determined she was probably right.

And you know what, that might just be the truth for all of the women in my life.  I went through a mental checklist of all the friends I had and all the struggles they seemed to be facing in their current romantic relationships and I couldn't find one situation where this platitude didn't apply.

Now I am not trying to make a generalization that women make men priorities and men take women for granted. Hell half of my struggling girlfriends are lesbians. Rather,  I think that is just a sign of a relationship in turmoil, when one party places the other front and center while they are relegated to the side lines.  

There has to be give and take in relationships. Sometimes other priorities will win out and that is just the nature of our busy society but that is no excuse not to make the people around you know they are special, considered and loved. 

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