Flagellant

Shake the ugly.
I need to shake this ugly mood that has taken over.
I need to shake this ugly mood that has taken over my Monday morning and is infiltrating my Monday afternoon.

I fucked up. I was up until 4 o’clock in the morning trying to figure out if I should call the cops on the domestic disturbance that was going on under my window and if so, how I could do it with out actually calling 911.

I set two alarm clocks and put them on top of my running shoes so I would have no excuse not to exercise before my 7 am call-time for my AIDS presentation in Olathe.

I woke up a little before 8. I had 9 missed calls and a dozen text messages.

I fucked up. It was no ones fault but mine and one of those crappy things that happened despite my best attempts to be prepared.

My partner had been trying to break into my apartment building for a half hour. It was so unlike me everyone thought I might be dead.

When I saw his face I wished I was. Instead I had just been dead to the world.

It was a shitty way to start the morning and even though my employer was very kind about it – only putting me on mandatory probation instead of firing me like I suggested, I couldn’t help feeling shitty all day.

Self-flagellation. Not as fun as it sounds.