This morning my father emailed me about our up coming Father’s Day fishing trip and to inquire about my recent date with Puerto Rico. I could have told him about my steamy hot evening with the man that I suspect will be my short-lived foray into dirty paper back lust but for his benefit I simply replied:
“The date went really well. We actually went out again on Sunday to see a movie but he hasn’t called since so we will see….”
To this my father responded:
“Don’t worry he is operating out of the standard male play book - RULE -- 21.b section 8: clearly states no calls for 3 days after an initial date. Calls earlier than this time frame can result in the appearance of desperation and/or loss of relationship control. Note: The 3 day rule is considered 1 of the top 10 male dating rules.”
Now, I wasn’t actually concerned but found my father’s insight into the male mind particularly hilarious.
I shared this with V, my not so gay, gay-best friend. (I pretend he is gay, despite the fact that we dated, as it makes our relationship far less complicated and less awkward when in a drunken stupor he still tries to make out with me.)
This was V’s response to reading my father’s email:
“Hahaha! You know who established that rule…. Jesus! He waited 3 days!”
Me: “I knew it was all Jesus’ fault!”
V: “Seriously, if he had waited just one day people that hadn't seen him in a while would've been just like, ‘Hey JC, Waddup foo?’ But nooooo... He waited the perfect amount of time and showed up at a church. That earned him the title of Messiah.”
At this point I was rolling and thinking to myself that V might be one of the cleverest men I had ever met. I couldn’t understand how guys had not thought of this excuse earlier.
Me: “Please tell me you came up with that!!!”
V: “No, it was from How I Met Your Mother. Neil Patrick Harris said it…. I thought it was perfect, though.”
Now this is that part where I make some bratty, lewd comment about how Neil Patrick Harris is a gay best-friend I would more than happily make out with but I will go ahead and let him make the dirty comments: