Saturday, October 24, 2009

I am mad - I warn you this is a long one

I've been lucky. I have had the good fortune to make some incredible friends in my short time in Kansas City. Some phenomenal women, who have inspired and supported me as I navigated the rocky pathways in and out of romance.

I sometimes worry they don't see just how incredible they are.

Tonight I had the opportunity to catch up with some of my girls and I was once again reminded how complex our young hearts can be.

See several weeks ago, I mentioned to one of my girls that there I met a guy she might like. When I sent her his picture via facebook she claimed he was too hot for her.

In response I sent her this email:

"I am very mad at you Short Stack.

I had a lot of time to think today as I was driving around suburban hell today by myself, screaming at small children to get the hell out of my way and getting stuck in the friggin' Shawnee Mission East High School Parade, and I decided that #1 I am mad at you and #2 I am suspending all future set-ups.

Why all these cruel words, you ask?

Well, I will tell you.

Listening to an incredible, funny, smart, hot, talented, did I mention hot, as in nice ass, great rack, hilarious, fiesty, generous woman say that she is not HOT enough for a boy is ridiculous.

You are so freaking amazing I kind of want to smack you in the forehead with the palm of my hand, like DUH.

Why you think that you (and by you I don't just mean you but all little ladies and not so littles everywhere) don't deserve a man with the face and body of Brad Pitt and the heart of Ghandi I am not so sure but you are sssoooooooooooooooooooo wrong.

You are so great that even I wanted you on sight and I don't even like vaginas. You are so great that I felt way more sad when I thought you rejected my facebook friendship than I ever did getting defriended by a boy.

All my girls are so great and I feel so lucky to have met such incredible women. A year ago I barely had any friends here and now I have bunches and not just the ok, get you through kind of girls, but the kind of women who support each other, and care for each other and yell at each other when they are too dense to see how freaking fabulous they really are.

So young woman of my heart, I will set you up with boy-wonder but only if you can admit that if anyone is out of his league it would be him, not you.

The end of my rant. KISSES!"

To this she sent me the follow:

"Dearest Lyndsey,

While I adore your rave about my intelligence, looks, wit, and charm, I should probably clarify my statement from last night. I fully agree with your superbly accurate description of my fanstasticness; I too think I am a foxy lady and know that any many would be extraordinarily lucky to have the pleasure of my company. What I meant by my statement was that this particular man was not only annoyingly hot, but seemed to have a thing for brainless, fake, anorexic sorostitutes. I am far superior to said bimbos, but I do not their supermodel looks.

WAIT, stop freaking out...I'm not saying that I'm ugly or anything ludacris like that, just that my looks are average and not what this guy seems to chase after. However, my stunning personality makes me dang near the hottest young lady in the KC metro, I'm just unsure if this new suitor has the capability to think with the big head in order to experience all my glory.

I am hoping that I'm being judgmental about this lad and that he is not as superficial as he appears to be at first glance. Make no mistake, I am well aware that I'm am ridiculously qualified to be this red-striped mustang driver's lady.

So if my explanation meets your requirements, please proceed with the setup so I can lick this hottie's {insert large word referring to muscle near the groin that Meagan is looking up} sometime in the near future.

In conclusion, all of our ladies are just as hot as City-Girl has described and I feel delightfully lucky to have lady friends as lovely as yourselves. Have a fantastic night and we'll meet again soon.


I am never going to agree that she is anything remotely close to average but tonight as I sat in Short Stack's living room, listening to the ladies I adore discuss the pitfalls of love, I couldn't help but remember these emails and feel pride as they glowed with the strength and beauty of finding their own definition outside the scope of men.

Sure we like boys and we all might want a couple for amusement's sake - okay, maybe for even a little more than amusement - but theses ladies, they rock. Any man would be lucky to share their company.

And when I hear them talk about finishing a Ironman or conquering a new job, I hope that they realize this too.

KC may be voted the worst city for being single but it is not because of a shortfall of great women and these ladies prove it.


Trish said...

I must agree that KC is great place to find wonderful girlfriends!!! Now if only the men would get their heads out of their... you get the picture. Thanks for sharing the wonderfulness of these women you'v found. I couldn't agree more!

Erik said...

Great post. I agree, coming from a guy, KC has a lot of great single ladies out there to meet. And, unfortunately, a lot of guys that are exactly like Shortstack stereotyped.