I had a moment of weakness. Maybe it was the cold or the long walk in the snow. Maybe it was the exhaustion and the ass pain from boxing class. Maybe it was the "White Irishman" I whipped up from a recipe on a friend's facebook page. Regardless, somewhere in the midst of IMing my friend from the bathtub, I caved.
"T, seriously, I need to go on a date. I will fly to Chicago. I need material."
"You going to date me?"
"No, my date needs a penis."
"Nice. Is there no one in KC?"
"It is like death valley here. Oh god, I think the White Irishman went to my head."
"Don't you have to get up early tomorrow? So why not men there? They can be found in interesting places."
This transaction, my friends, is what I refer to as the dark scary place. Oh, how sad it is! Clearly I am all talk. You throw the right combination of snow, steam and cozy drinks and I am as desperate as the next gal.
The thing I think that is most sad about my moment of weakness was not that I suddenly wanted a date but that I wanted a date because I was bored and looking for writing material.
I can just hear my mother now. "LYnnnSaaaaY!"
So much for class. Not that I really overflowed with it to begin with.
My friend Amanda has a blog, although it is very hush hush. She sent me an entry once that I think kind of summed up the situation. She described her need for a man as completely circumstantial.
"I was opening a can of salsa today and finding the task to be obnoxiously more difficult than necessary…Can't a girl just have some salsa when she wants it?!?! It would be for my convenience in moments like this to have a man living in my home." Amanda talked about how she once longed for a man until it hurt. And then she, like so many of the incredible women I know, came to the conclusion that she didn't need a man. She is happy in her own skin and while she would love to find her soul mate, "I won't settle because I'm afraid to be alone, worried that I'm incomplete, or achingly lonely." My favorite part of her blog was when she said:
"So tomorrow when I have to get out of the car and pump my own gas, open my own door, and drive myself into the City, I might wish for a man to help out, but I won't need one and I won't feel sorry for myself if the white horse doesn't show up. Tomorrow I'll find my joy in who I've become and the life I've been allowed to live. If someday a man has enough courage to take me on then we'll hang Christmas lights together, argue fiercely, and make out often. Life is a gift and I am determined to live in every precious moment."
So tomorrow when I wake up with out a date planned in my immediate future, I will thank the stars for my lucky life and go living it. No need to look for material. It seems to find me wherever I go.