Thursday, November 5, 2009

Good Idea?

"Are you sure it is such a good idea?" My mother had been expressing her concern at my selected forum for communication with Mr. Sweet Thang and others.

I suppose blogging wasn't an acceptable method back in her day.

All the way back then.

"Probably not but then again immaturity is easily matched with immaturity."

Truthfully I never thought Mr. Sweet Thang really cared. He told me on more than one occasion that he was like a small child, enjoying attention, positive or negative, but last weekend I began to wonder.

We had a really lovely day in Lawrence - I know, I did anyway. He is a little harder to read. I had never been and it was a gorgeous day to walk around. I thought to myself, "I really enjoy this person" and I let myself get swept up in it. Afterward, as I was sneaking out of his house, he asked if I would blog about it.

I said no - there had been nothing "not normal" to write about, which sounded far worse than the compliment I had intended. It had been a nice day but I couldn't help but feel strange.

I started to think maybe it wasn't okay to write about not dating when you are actually dating someone, kind of.

I invited Mr. Sweet Thang out to our group get together last night. I thought it might tame the weird feeling.

He didn't want to leave the confines of Kansas and told my girlfriend who was trying to persuade him in a way that seriously pissed her off.

His dickish tendencies are one of the things that amused me about me but when you start to actually like a person, dickish funny tends to shift to just plain dickish, and the aggitation & insecurity that come with dating are one of the reasons I have been avoiding it in the first place.

"You just don't date. You have a whole blog about it." he said to tonight. His voice was bitchy and it caught me off guard. Maybe he didn't like being a through-line of my posts. Who could blame him.

"If you can break a guy he doesn't deserve to be having sex?" Obviously, he was less amused about my post from the night before than my girlfriend who made the comment.

Okay, perhaps I shouldn't repeat everything that my friends say when they are irritated at the boys in my life.

I don't know where things are with Mr. Sweet Thang. It is too hard to tell beyond the joking. Maybe my mom is right, and a direct approach would be a more appropriate way to go. I am trying. We will see.

As far as the blog goes, I guess I will just keep writing, at least until it bites me in the ass or someone else tries directness and tells me not to.

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