Friday, November 6, 2009

Just a guy

"Do you have bipolar?"

"No. Just a guy."

There is a reason I don't date - hell, the reason I have a whole blog about it. Dating is complicated, kind of a pain in the ass.

I suppose it doesn't have to be but I have yet to meet someone who can say, "I like you. Do you like me? Can we go out sometime?"

We don't communicate. We play games. We think we are being clear, but not so much.

"I don't make plans."

"Well, I do."

I am busy girl, and lately even busier than normal. I have barely had time to see my friends, work out, even write but I make time. Because I have to, because it is important.

This is why I plan, and why I expect that if someone expects any of my time that they give me the heads up. Otherwise I will just assume that I am off their radar and act accordingly.

"So are you coming out tonight or what?"

"I told you I am going out of town. If I had known you wanted to go out I would have waited. I texted you."

"Well I didn't know that I had to respond that moment or you were going to leave."

Yeah, pretty much.

Last weekend my girlfriend called me because she was pissed at the guy she was seeing. They had made plans to spend the day together and at noon he was still sleeping. She was at his house, without her car, basically held captive. She was angry because she was wasting her day waiting for him, when she could have just been doing her own thing.

I told her to let him win this one because he was exhausted but I was wrong and after having a second to think about it I understood her point.

We spend a lot of time waiting, trying to be accommodating, trying to make an effort. And it is not a complaint. We like to do it.

As much as dating is work, it is fun. The work is fun. We wouldn't do it if we didn't like it.

But the mind games, the wondering, the insecurity and the BS, that's not so fun.

I told V once that I stopped looking to date, looking for someone because when the right person came along I would just know. Not like an "ah-ha" light shining down from the heavens type of moment but like when you know that pizza and Chinese just don't sound that good for dinner but a burger will totally hit the spot.

I figure at that point, maybe it won't be so difficult. There will be no "does he/does she?" There will be a chance at mature honest conversation. Maybe even with planning and a little bit of effort.

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