Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Be careful what you wish for

I have dated boys who liked me because I was complimentary. I have dated boys who declared undying love because I endured their jokes.

But never before have I been involved with anyone who I believed to be in it for the blog status.

Mr. Sweet Thang wants to be blogged about. Okay, you get your wish.

Mr. Sweet Thang might not be datable. Do-able, yes. Enjoyable, yes. Mildly amusing, indeed. But dateable...hmmm, not so sure.

As previously mentioned, ours is a text-based relationship, albeit an entertaining one. Today I was having a frustrating day at work and I texted him that I needed to be amused. He sent me this:

"My grandpa was a circus clown and when he died all of his friends came to the funeral in one car."

I laughed....I must be easy, apparently in more than one way.

See, I like Mr. Sweet Thang and no, I am not saying that in a giddy school girl, "Do you like him-like him?" kind of way. I mean, he told me he was a Republican and I didn't vomit in my mouth. I consider that a sign.

He is a really decent human being - one of the highest compliments given to the not so fair sex. He has a BFF who vouches for him but who also confirms that dudes like Mr. Sweet Thang are a lot like his deaf dog, endlessly amused by the chase.

The thing is, I am not a frisbee.

Plus, I pretty much operate under the principle of just doin' my thing. You want something? You know how to find me. It is not hard.

So one of my girlfriends and I went to the park to discuss the details of my adventurous weekend with Mr. Sweet Thang, which he threatened to share on Facebook unless I guaranteed the continuation of the 'good times.'

I told him it was too early in the relationship to start the blackmail. He told me he had run out of wit and was stuck relying on his cunning to amuse me.

My girlfriend asked, "Wouldn't spending with a guy make you happy?"

"I am happy," I said.


"Potentially. But then I would have to open up my schedule and be considerate of someone else's time and feelings. OH GOD, the Feelings! It all takes so much effort. The time allotted for maintenance alone would tack on hours to my week."

She stared at me, her silence bursting my eardrums.

"Okay, I'm a dude."

"You said it, not me."

The thing is all of that stuff, the compromise and effort, it is great, even enjoyable - except the shaving, that is just a pain in the ass - but I am not hollow without it and unlike the dog with a frisbee, or an actual dude, I am not all that interested in the chase. It bores me slightly, all the pretense and posturing. When that isn't necessary, then sure.

In the meantime, Mr. Sweet Thang will continue to provide me with 140 characters of entertainment at a time. And I will continue to be a full-fledged member of his fan club. Just not a groupie.

Barring multiple shots of tequila.

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