Thursday, September 10, 2009

Court is in session

How should one respond to a text that says, “What’s up sweet thang?”

I suppose the proper response would not be to put it on the internet for everyone to mock but I feel like I need a little universal clarification.

When I was a little girl my after school day care was playing pretend in the darkened courtroom attached to my step-father’s chambers. He was a judge and for a while I thought I might want to be one too. Then I figured out I passed enough judgments in my day-to-day life that I probably didn’t need to make a career of it.

Still I would make up fake cases, write up dockets and play judge, jury and prosecution to my imaginary foes.

Today I started imagining a new case. The case of the Mind Boggling Not-Quite Suitor

Here are the facts of the case as they have been presented to me to be regurgitated digitally now.

I have received a handful of text messages from someone I had fun with once, and whom I have not really made an attempt to speak with since.
I have seen this individual out in group settings. And he has been vetted by mutual friends. He has passed the douche bag test but the results are not yet in on whether or not he is a giant ho.
He has never called me or actually made any effort to contact me other than through text, which by all accounts is a sure sign of a booty call.
I have been, perhaps, a little too blatant with my lack of desire to date. I don’t outwardly deny all offers; instead I simply broadcast my disdain of leg shaving on the internet. I figure this will pretty much clear away anyone who expects me to do the chasing.
Still, I like this person. He is nice and funny and dickish in a way that I have always found charming.

So the case in question is whether or not someone is sucks just because they are only half-assedly perusing you. Is it possible for someone to be a great human being but completely lame in the realm of courting or communication?

Truthfully the whole thing seems like a waste of time for all involved.

So here is my verdict:

I am not looking for romance, but if it comes knocking on my door, I expect it to be fully present, not with half a foot ready to run in the other direction. And it would be nice if it came with flowers.

Girls always like flowers.

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